Perhaps this will sound backwards to some people - but I never want to meet my favorite content creators.  They're my heroes, my role models, and people I really look up to... but I'd never want to accidentally run into one of them at a convention or while out in public.

Why wouldn't I want to meet someone I follow and adore you ask?  Follow me down this rabbit hole if you will.

Content creators share a part of their lives with random strangers on the internet.  They let us - the internet folk - see a snippet of their reality.  It may be through carefully choreographed dances, or staged cosplays, or walks through their manicured gardens.  They might share pieces of themselves through their blogs, or insights about themselves through their writing.  Followers who relate to their content might feel like they've "gotten to know" the creator through these snippets.

Therein lies the problem.  A content creator is also a human (most of the time anyway).  They have a life outside of social media.  They usually have a real job, a family, and hobbies outside of what they share on the internet.  Most content creators appreciate privacy and the ability to live their lives outside of their social media personas.

So when you meet your favorite creator in person - you are a complete stranger to them.  Maybe they'd recognize your screen name if you leave a lot of comments or likes or messages, but they don't know you... and you feel like you know them, at least a little.  This causes a weird disparity in the social construct when meeting someone for the first time.  It gives you the upper hand in perhaps knowing what the creator likes and being able to follow up with questions or topics of interest.  It also puts them at a disadvantage, and could potentially make you look a little creepy if you cross the line into too much personal stuff.

I already struggle with social issues.  I mean, I can hardly keep up with small talk, and social norms don't come naturally - I have to learn them.  So boundaries are always an issue for me.  What topics are OK and what aren't?  If you put it on the internet, does that make it OK to talk about?  Or is it more of a personal nature?  And since I also struggle to make eye contact, it automatically makes me look a little shady.

So - as much as I absolutely love this one particular cosplayer right now, I'd never want to meet them in person.  I think they're inspirational, they ooze creativity, and they're incredibly talented.  I'm learning a lot from watching their videos and reading their blogs.  I can relate to them on multiple levels, and I am thoroughly entertained by the content that they provide.  As much as I'd love to write them a message or something thanking them for sharing their content with the world, my personal guidelines are to maintain "no contact" with my absolute favorite creators.  I'd rather my role models never know I exist than have an awkward interaction that leaves them thinking I'm some kind of a creep or having a negative impression of me.  Weird?  Maybe.  But the idea is there to protect my mental health and save me from feeling like a total dweeb in front of someone I have the utmost respect for.

​​That said - from the flip side, as a content creator (albeit a much less talented one), I think it's great fun when people recognize me.  It doesn't happen often, but I try to be cordial and polite when approached by someone.  If you see me somewhere, please come up and say hello.

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​Special note - If you know the content creator that I'm currently following and absorbing information from, please do not tag them.  Like I said, I'd rather be nobody to them than to be seen and acknowledged.

Happy Thanksgiving to those who celebrate it.  I'm over at my parents' house today to enjoy the big meal with my side of the family.

As is the custom, I'd like to explore some of the things I am thankful for this year.  This is by no means an exhaustive list.

I am thankful for (relatively) healthy children.  Aside from a cold or allergies, my kids have been relatively healthy, and for this I am thankful.  My kids keep me on my toes every day, and even though some days are frustrating and exhausting, I love them with all of my heart and I am forever thankful they are in my life.

I am thankful for my husband, who continues to put up with my ridiculousness every day.

I am thankful for a clean bedroom.  It gives me a safe space to dance, lay of the floor, play with the animals, or just sit quietly as I recharge with some quiet time.

I am thankful for my husband's job - which keeps him away from home a lot, but pays our bills.

I am thankful for food in my cupboards with which to make meals for my family.  I am thankful for the ability to create meals.  I'm not the best chef, but nobody has gotten food poisoning or died from my cooking - it's edible 99.9% of the time.  This month my mom called me for my chicken and rice recipe when #2 requested it while staying at her house.  Success!

I am thankful for mobility and the ability to exercise.  Since feeling better following my extended illness early this year, I've started to be more active.  I put on music and dance around.  As of today I'm down 33 pounds from my top weight at the beginning of the year.  Just increased activity and smaller portions - no surgery, no fad diets and protein shakes, no gym membership, no exercise routine/schedule.

I am thankful for my health.  Though I struggle with it sometimes, I am thankfully free of the worst of the symptoms for now.  I am thankful for figuring out what I need to change and avoid in my diet to avoid triggering a health issue.  I am also thankful that the dietary restrictions are both healthy, and helpful in losing some weight.

I am thankful for my parents.  I know I'll miss them when they're gone, so I am thankful for every day I have with them - even if we don't always see eye to eye or agree on things.  I love them and have a deep respect for them.

I am thankful for social media.  OK, so I may have an odd fascination with TikTok.  Yesterday I posted a "story time" and as of this morning there were 2976 views, 258 likes, and I got 26 new followers for that video alone.  Wow.  I still have fewer "followers" than my kids on their accounts, but hey, the idea that 80+ people are interested in me enough to see what other content I provide is pretty cool.

I am thankful for my pets.  I love them, they provide me with endless entertainment, emotional support, and an overall feeling of security.  When I see my geese in the yard, my heart is happy.

I am thankful for my creativity.  Sometimes it leaks out in strange ways, but I love having it.  My current project is crocheting a Gryffindor colored scarf to add to my next cosplay.  I'm also learning to use makeup to create a somewhat realistic beard for the cosplay - though I may scrap it because if I can't make it believable, I'd rather risk playing a clean-faced version of the character and not being recognized... but then again, I've only tried it out four times so far.  There's still a lot of room for improvement.

I am thankful for my home.  I truly live in the most beautiful place on Earth.  sunrises and sunsets are breathtaking, even when the lake is frozen.  I live in my happy place.

May you enjoy your day, even if you don't celebrate Thanksgiving.  I hope you can find something in your life to be thankful for, even if it's something small.

There's not a lot going on lately with the homestead.  Gardens are all tucked away for the winter, it's too cold for anything to grow, the chickens have stopped laying due to the short days, and we don't breed rabbits in the winter months.

Tomorrow we are taking in three more rabbits.  Two came from our colony rabbits (Lapis and Cheddar), and the other is from a different breeder.  It seems that last year about this time we had rabbits returned too.  I wonder what it is about this time - cold weather and upcoming holidays - that seems to make people decide to return their rabbits.  Anyway, as of tomorrow when we get back home, all three of the new rabbits will be available for adoption.  The sooner we can move them out the better, since I'm running out of space in the house for rabbits, and one of the kids is very allergic to them...

This past week has been spent working on my next cosplay project.  I'm (slowly) learning about make up.  I've been trying to do beard make up, with varying success.  I mean... it's not great, but it's not absolutely awful either.  I have a lot of room to improve.  I'm worried that I could actually make the cosplay worse by using the beard make up at this point, so I need to practice and figure it out.  I have the basic idea down, but I can't seem to get the chin and under-lip area to look right, despite consulting numerous pictures, videos, and a couple tutorials.  I'm hoping we can grab a different color of make up tomorrow while we're in town to see if maybe that will help.

​In the meantime, I added a few accessories and a ring light to my Christmas wish list.  I'm now working on crocheting a scarf with the Gryffindor (Hogwarts) colors - since I can't afford the $40 they want for an authentic one from Universal Studios.  Of course, #1 has the authentic one from our trip there many years ago, so if I totally botch mine, I can still borrow hers... I just doubt she'd borrow it to me knowing I may end up accidentally rubbing my beard make up onto it.  It does smear on everything it touches.

Which brings me to a question.  Having not been one to wear make up... like... almost ever... how do you make-up-wearing-folks not touch your face!?  Good golly!  I'm constantly itching my nose or rubbing my cheek or putting my hand under my chin or swiping hair out of my face... This whole "don't touch your face" to avoid smearing or smudging make up is frustrating.  Is there a trick to it?  If I'm not in front of a camera or mirror, I tend to forget I'm wearing it...

​The big seed trade package came in the mail today.  Yay!  I went through it briefly to make sure everything was in there (as it wasn't closed properly), but I haven't had a chance to sort it all out and update the seed list yet.  Maybe Wednesday when the kids are in school and Tony is at work I will have time to spread it all out on the table and get it all inventoried.

Today I learned how to put my hair in a ponytail using a pencil or crochet hook.  I guess I need to learn to do the same with a wand for my next cosplay, but I need to buy my wand first.  Unfortunately, the two I'm looking at are pretty expensive ($38 for one of $53 for the other).  That's why they're on the Christmas list.

This past weekend has been quite the experience.  We went to GalaxyCon in Minneapolis (Friday, Saturday, and Sunday).  We left the two little ones with relatives, the middle child stayed home to take care of the animals, and Tony and I, #1, #2, and two other teenagers went off on an adventure.  My very first Con!  Lovingly referred to as a Con-Virgin.

While #1 and the other two seemed most interested in running around and meeting other cosplayers and making new friends, I was more interested in the panels.  Over the weekend I got to sit in panels and listen to celebrities tell stories... I got to see Alex Kingston (whom I've been a fan of since ER, but loved her in Doctor Who as well), Karen Gillan (loved her in Doctor Who and love her in Jumanji too), Jonathan Frakes (Star Trek TNG), George Takei (Mister Sulu himself), and a panel with David Tennant on live Skype chat from his home (as his wife just had a new baby).  I also went to panels about gender-bending in cosplay (and learned what crossplay is).  I tried to go to the panel on posing and photography for cosplay, but had a coughing fit halfway through and had to leave.  #1 and I went to a panel about Lolita fashion - something I'd never heard of, but it was quite informative.  I also went to a panel about how cosplay and fandoms can help with anxiety and depression.  That one was pretty good too.

On day 1 and 2 I was in my OC cosplay (yet un-named, non-gendered person), and I had enough confidence by day two to actually walk around and go to a panel on my own.  This is huge.  As I've mentioned before, I have Asperger's and one of the side effects is that I have such severe social anxiety that I am unable to go anywhere without someone I know being with me at all times.  I'm talking about not being able to excuse yourself from a room to go to the bathroom without someone walking out and back in with you.  Not being able to go down another isle at the store to check something out, not being able to order food at a restaurant, and having to plan around always doing something with a chaperone - it means missing out on a lot of things because my interests and the schedule for things that interest me do not always match up with other peoples'.  But on Saturday, I was confident enough with the layout of the convention center that I went to a panel alone, and walked around a bit.  It was something I can't really remember doing (without a service dog anyway) since I was in school.  I've gotten so used to being a closeted hermit that I've forgotten how it feels to have a taste of freedom.

Day 3 my dear daughter talked me into attempting to cosplay a known character (Hange Zoe from Attack on Titan).  Problem being that I don't own the clothes the character is known for... No white pants, no yellow button up shirt, no Attack on Titan jacket or straps.  So all I could do was put my hair up like that character, wear my Hange (Hanji) keychain (the only thing I bought at the convention), and hope people might take a stab in the dark at who I was.  I posted videos on TikTok, Instagram, and Tubmlr while we were there, but nobody stopped to say hello.  In fact, only three people spoke to me at the convention at all... one vendor to ask what I might be looking for (Hange/Hanji merchandise) on day one, one person asked me what was up the stairs while I was sitting on a set of steps (no idea) on day two, and one person asked if they could use the chair beside me on day three.  I admit, I had to remind myself the entire time to keep my head up.  I'm so used to staring at the floor and trying to avoid everyone, it was a whole new experience to walk around with my head up and actually look around.

I also found that the first two days when I could easily pass as being male, if I accidentally made eye contact with someone, almost always they'd look away, even before I could.  Nobody seemed to feel the need to start a conversation with me because I made eye contact.  Something I could never avoid when dressed as a girl.  Why is this?  But on the third day when I had to wear my hair in a feminine fashion, I became cripplingly insecure again.  I think some answers came from the gender-bending panel.  Three female cosplayers were hosting the panel, and one of them explained it quite well.  She said when she dressed in a male cosplay, and her sister dressed in a female cosplay, her sister got a lot more attention, but most of it was "oh you're hot" and "can I get a picture with you?" kind of interactions.  While she got less attention but the interactions she had were a lot more genuine.  I think this is a huge part of why I really am only interested in cosplaying male or gender-neutral characters.  And besides, let's face it - I do not have the body to pull off an attractive anime girl in any realm, and even if I tried, I don't have the bold personality needed to flash off more skin than can me seen in a Minnesota winter.  I'm a prude - or so I've been told.

My dear husband is considering starting a website for our cosplay, since #1 cosplays, and #3 is starting to get into it (she just made an OC Hogwarts Professor on TikTok and has as many followers as I do already).  I'm not sure how I feel about that. ... The website idea, not my daughter being more popular than me (no surprise there).  I mean, who wants to see my miserable attempts at cosplay?  I'm a nobody, and I don't even know how to put on make-up.  My "look at me, I'm a girl" phase lasted a couple months at best in high school and I had some hand-me-down eye-shadow (one blue, one silver, both used), and two very used eyeliner pencils (black and blue, about 2 inches long each).  That was the extent of my make up - and nobody ever taught me how to use it.  I guessed.  I mean, I suppose there's got to be makeup and cosplay tutorials on YouTube and whatnot, and if I can teach myself to crochet a scarf and turn that knowledge into making bags and purses for the kids and blankets and stuff... I should be able to get an idea of make up, but the thought terrifies me for some reason.  It's expensive (make up in general), and I can't help but think that practicing and trying new things is wasteful.  I feel like I'm just way too old to be starting into this.  I'm in my 30's now, and I have no idea how to use make up.  I'm having body image issues for the first time in my life, I have never dyed my hair, and I don't understand how people can wear a wig all day (so hot and itchy).  Besides, I touch my face all the time and would inevitably smear any make up I put on.  I don't know.  Maybe we could get into making props or making and selling accessories or something on the side to help fund the cosplay expenses.

The convention was fun though and when I asked Tony if we could do another, perhaps one Harry Potter themed - he immediately pulled up a convention scheduled for next year in Florida.  Florida? That's a heck of a drive for an amateur cosplayer.  He says he's game if I can cut down on my animals so it's easier to travel and we can save up some extra money.  Since I was already planning to downsize the animals, it seems like a good motivation.  Perhaps I should re-read the books again and take notes on character information.  I know #3 wants to cosplay Luna Lovegood.  I'm currently enamored with a cosplayer who does an awesome rendition of Remus Lupin and Sirius Black.  I might want to gender-bend to be one of them... if I can get my body into shape.  No way would either of those characters have a "mom bod."  Of course, a trip to Florida would be crazy expensive.  I don't think we've ever taken a family vacation.  We'd have to save up... a lot.  I refuse to beg for handouts, though Tony is considering a Patreon... once we figure out content.

​But I digress (a lot).

Today we had a rabbit return.  His name is Dexter and he is Peanut's brother (out of Kaelyn and Sushi).  He's such a sweet boy.  He sat in my lap most of the way home and hopped around at my feet the rest of the time.  We have him in the house as he was a house rabbit in his previous home.  Their landlord said no pets, so here he is.  I'm secretly hoping that nobody buys him and that I can give him back when they eventually move out to a new home... but in the meantime, Dexter will be staying with us and I will casually be trying to find him a home.  Of course #1 is highly allergic to rabbits, so having him in the house is not the greatest, but it'll have to work for now.

I wanted to quick tell a story from the convention.  I was sitting with a group of cosplayers (for an anime I don't watch - so I was really out of place, but was there with #1).  A man walked by with a young child who was in costume.  The child was maybe six years old (my guess based on appearance).  One of the cosplayers at the table saw them and jumped up.  Running up to them she asked the man, "Can I take a picture of (child's character's name)?" and the man stopped and said yes.  But she didn't take the photo.  First she knelt down to get face level with this little kid and asked him, "Is it OK if I take your photo?"  and that is what I love about the cosplay community.  That right there.  Consent.  Not just from the adult, but from the child too.  Thank you cosplayer, for asking that little boy if it was OK to take his photo.  For giving him bodily autonomy and feeling like he has a say in what happens to him.  And yes, the boy agreed and the cosplayer took his photo and then thanked him for allowing her to take a photo.  A+ behavior at this convention.  A great way to start my cosplay and convention experiences.